Dear Editor,
It has come to my attention that you are looking to hire a community manager for your fledgling technology focused forum and I would like to present myself as a worthy candidate for the said role. I would have attached a resume, but I have not updated it to read that I am a prolific consumer of (and occasional participant in) various online communities, many of which you know of.
My first stint with online communities started back in 1999. It was an online dating website and I really hit it off with this girl from Italy. She went on to educate me on various aspects of Italian culture and I think I also got to know a little more about the Catholic Church. Please note that there was no Wikipedia at the time - I had Microsoft Encarta installed but it didn’t feel er… conversational. At some point, I thought to myself and said “Wow Ezra, you really have made a best friend forever”. Little did I know I had just come up with a phrase that would go on to be used in online communities for many years to come.
Unfortunately, the friendship didn’t last anywhere as long as the phrase did and 2002 found me rocking a Yahoo email address and hanging out in chatrooms. I learned the meaning of acronyms such as ASL and also how to type out smileys ; - ). It also explains why all my smileys come with noses as I don’t think efficiency was the order of the day at the time. These days however, the text is readily replaced with emoji characters so it doesn’t matter unless I’m chatting with you on WhatsApp. Yahoo chatrooms didn’t do much for me as I came to find out most of the women on it were just really men with pot bellies wearing just underpants in their mom’s basements. Also, I got banned from a few rooms for committing the crime of pretending to female.
Between 2004 and 2006, I was very active on programmer-centric forums. Armed with my extensive experience spanning half a decade, I was able to climb up the ranks quickly and get appointed as a moderator on a certain Visual Basic forum. For the first time in my life, I felt the burden of responsibility.
When I was 9, I used to wonder how my dad handled the task of taking care of three kids of which I am the first, his wife, and the occasional guests. I remember the day I put a chair on the bed and climbed on it so I could reach two wires hanging out of a dislodged bulb fixture… then I proceeded to put them together. I was thrown aback and I’m not talking about just the surprise. It was so literal I hit the back of my head against the wall on the opposite side of the room. When my dad heard the noise, he rushed in and I could see the look of disappointment on his face, and I knew what was coming next. As a moderator, I became a father to the kids on the forum, and occasionally had moments where I got disappointed and had to mete out punishment. However, I didn’t believe in banning people as my dad never drove me out of the house.
I have been many things on different forums, so I have the ability to easily connect with new members and understand where they are coming from. When I was active on Nairaland, I was an aspiring rapper on the music board, and a relentless trouble maker on the Mobile Phones board. I ended up being named moderator for the Computers section but that didn’t last long. I started working on a project called Eyowo which took all of my time and subsequently led me to abandon my post. I know what you are probably thinking - Here I am, applying for the position of a moderator in your organization when I am currently working on a project called Paystack. My response to you will be that was six years ago. I am older, wiser, and now ready to take on multiple responsibilities.
This brings me to my project management skills. I taught myself to use Microsoft Project Professional 2016 in 10 minutes. Although you could argue that this is because I already knew how to use Microsoft Project Professional 2013 whose ropes I had to learn over a two and half year period, I’ll argue that it is a testament to my ability to grasp new things in record time. I can create gantt charts in all the colors of the rainbow, and write the names of celebrities we are inviting for AMAs in fancy text. I like funny gifs too and I have mastered the art of using them in moderation.
I realize I have not answered the two important questions the application requested but I thought it would be nice for you to know me first. I would suggest indented replies in comments but I fear that would make the reading experience terrible on this UI, which makes me think the biggest shortcoming of Radar is using Discourse in the first place. As community manager of a technology focused community, I know I will be able to harness the power of the community to create an alternative codebase we can use, and maybe even sell it as SaaS to unsuspecting people who don’t know they can just download it from a URL we would make rather publicly accessible.
Ah, Donald Trump AMA. I have a feeling I would need to be watching his posts for possible violations of our community guidelines and may be forced to do what my father never did to me - ban him.
Thank you for the opportunity to apply for this position. I believe I have been able to convince you the search is over and will be pleased to discuss the terms of engagement. By the way, I hope there will be a coffee maker at the office and the creamer will be hidden away in a cupboard I’m not tall enough to reach, or a safe whose combination will not be revealed to me. I like my coffee black and I don’t like being tempted to add milk.
Yours faithfully,
Ezra Olubi.
, I found myself drinking egg and milk.
